Tuesday July 25, 2000

While everyone in Oklahoma is sleeping...here's me, writing away in my little red book.

Well, Julie called and I talked to her about everything I could. I basically told her what she needed to hear and that's it. I've learned how to get the whole thing down. She was kind of weird about everything, but who wouldn't be ya know?

When they got here, nothing mattered anymore. They---being Jason and his buddy Brett. They asked Kelly and I out for today. We went to the mall, stopped at a few other places, and then went to dinner at Zio's--this Italian restaurant just off of 71st. Up to this point I was more than a little skeptical of his intentions. I mean what was I supposed to think? But when we got to the pool hall, things started getting a lot better. He put his arm around me and started getting really friendly. The thing is, I didn't care. I just let him. I wanted to forget about everything. His smile is really incredible and when he looks at me, he doesn't look away first. There's just something about that. On the way to the park, Jason reached for my hand and held it all the way there. The park was beautiful with white bridges and gates, gardens with millions of flowers, swans and ducks floating across a giant pond. Definitely the perfect spot. Brett and Kelly sat in the gazebo by the pond and Jason just grabbed my hand and led me to some other bench swing. We were talking and it seemed like every word was just getting in the way of a potentially incredible kiss. We walked over to the bridge and talked a while, as the sun began slipping away. I was leaning against the bridge with my back and Jake was moving closer to me with every word. I knew that if I stopped in the middle of what I was saying, I'd either forget or he'd kiss me. So I ended the sentence short and he stared at me with those mesmerizing icy blue eyes. He moved in closer and stopped when he was about an inch away from my lips. He smiled and slowly began kissing me (an intense combination that I wouldn't mind reliving all over again). He pulled away slowly, leaving me breathless. I couldn't think straight and I guess it didn't matter because the silence was nice for once. I didn't have to think about anything. After a few words we began kissing again. More incredible than I had imagined it could be. We had these moments on the bridge, with the jogger running past, the little kids watching still giggling as they ran around the grass. The fireflies all around us, surroun ding the moment and accepting it for what it was. It kind of hurt to think that this was nothing more than a summer fling. But I pushed that to the back of my mind and concentrated on...well...nothing. The night was amazing and made me forget for an evening that I was actually living in Oklahoma. The sunset would've probably been a lot better had we actually watched all of it.

Kelly and Brett were off somewhere, most likely back at the gazebo. So we decided to go find them. The park was now almost entirely dark, except for the fireflies that would bring light for a few moments then disappear. We found them cuddling on the bench swing and decided to walk back to the car. Jason and I were ahead slightly, but we had a notion they weren't exactly following. We turned to find them kissing back by the fountain in the pond. Jason ran back and got the keys and we walked to the car alone. The black Ex-terra was a whole new experience for me. And when we climbed into the back seat it was a little too silent.

"So we're in the back seat of Brett's car. Uh, whaddya wanna do?" He got this real boyish grin on his face after he said that and moved closer to me. I just laughed and he looked at me for a long moment. Pretty soon we were kissing and then suddenly I found myself making out with Jason. While we were making the difficult transition of moving around I said to him, "I've never made out in the back of an Ex-terra before." He made this cute little sigh and laughed and said, "Me neither." Although I truly find that hard to believe. So, Mr Harvard and I (that's where he's going to college) made out in the back of Brett's Ex-terra. It was simply amazing. I don't know how else to put it. My troubles and problems seemed minute and nothing really mattered. We watched a movie at my house and then I walked him out to the car. I told him everything I was thinking. Kind of about Julie and how I don't want him to worry about me telling people. I also told him I understood if he never called again, because things like this can get extremely complicated. My life is complicated enough as it is. It'd be nice if he called again, but reality tells me that he won't.

-Sarah K