July 30- August 1, 2000

It's Monday...I stayed up until 5 a.m. watching Aiden sleep. I sat there knowing that he would be gone in a matter of hours and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. He was breathing in and out like I'd seen him do a million times, and I wanted to tell him all over again how I felt. every time I would move, his hand would run across my back or my face out of habit. I went into my room at 5:00 and the next thing I remember is Aiden waking me up with a kiss.

Monday-
Saying goodbye three times in one summer might as well just kill me. As I was with my best friends and my boyfriend one last time, I felt every emotion in the world.

The breakfast table was completely silent this morning. I thought if I kept spinning around in the chair, then I wouldn't cry. But, figuratively or literally we all have to stop spinning and face reality. I played our song before they left. Aiden just sat next to me holding my hand and even trembling a little.

"The last time we heard this song we were bawling." he said

We held on to time as long as possible and I said goodbye to my old life again, for good. I blew them a kiss and didn't even wait for them to drive away in that little maroon car. I couldn't. I disappeared around the corner and started crying. I miss them all so much. I need sleep.
-Sarah K

Tuesday August 1, 2000

I am glad that today is my sister's birthday and not mine. I wanted to be alone to think or cry or do whatever it was I felt like doing. My parents left and I've been in my room for a large portion of the day. I've never touched a guitar in my life and I learned Aiden's and my song. I also wrote one. I played the guitar, listened to music, wrote letters, and thought about people.

When I called Aiden he didn't seem too happy to talk to me. And didn't even say I love you for one reason or another. Which I get. Crying is easy sometimes. Especially today. I can't think. Maybe I'll write later when my thoughts are either apparent or organized.

All alone and cold again
I see it start to change
The night is getting darker
and nothing feels the same

These clouded eyes, and crowded streets
why can't I feel alive?
Walked away and fell apart
Can I give it one more try

And maybe there will never be
a place just like before
but you were always here with me
and I want nothing more

At seventeen we found a dream
and sealed it to the moon
But now the night is fading
Oh can I see you soon

I lost myself inside of you
I never meant to cry
Oh why can't I be lost again
Just like that summer night

And maybe there will never be
A place just like before
But you were always loving me
And I want nothing more

-Sarah K