Saturday July 8, 2000

I thought today would be like any other day in Tulsa. running errands in the 100 degree weather, watching TV with the fam, then going to bed early, like usual. When I woke up this morning I just hoped it would be different.

So, there we were, me and the 'rents, running all around town. Getting this part or that cord, these speakers and those wires, the same routine. We stopped athome to drop dad off and some of the stuff. I was depressed as hell thinking about what I'd be doing if I were in Salt Lake. I was waiting in the car when mom ran outside and said, "Brady called!" My first impression was that she had to be lying or kidding around. I kind of just sat there in disbelief for a few moments. It didn't register immediately.
"C'mon!" she screamed, turning off the car. "Go call him!"
I ran inside and dialed his number, the one I had memorized weeks ago---inspite of everything still going on with Aiden. There was small talk, a few laughs, and he asked me out again. He is coming to get me at 7:00, it's almost 6:00 now. I finally get to talk to someone again. My family's a ball and everything, but it's torture. 15 is a whole different world from 17, and 40 and 44 aren't any closer. I'm a little nervous about the whole thing, though. I almost feel as if I'm hurting Aiden in a way. I don't know, it just feels like too soon to be going out and doing anything. I only left a few months ago. I know he's hanging out with his friends and working; he's not dating anyone else. I feel like I'm cheating him out or something, but there's nothing I can do from 1200 miles away. I'll write more tonight when I get home.

*Wow. That's all I really have to say. He came and picked me up at 7:00 and off we went, leaving the rest up to the night and maybe even fate. Me went to a movie at the new theater by my house. He was really nervous, I felt like we were little kids, but it was amazing. We ate ice cream at Braum's and wondered how people could tie the cherry stems in a knot with their tongues. We couldn't stop talking, and when we did it was usually to sing along with the music. We cruised memorial, went to Wal-Mart to find a few new CD's. The last stop was the elementary school. I don't know if I felt 7 years old again because we were at the grade school, or because it felt so new and unreal to date someone else other than Aiden (or even be with anyone else for that matter). I was used to Aiden, knew almost exactly what he'd say next, knew his favorite ice cream, favorite bands, what made him laugh, what he hated and loved...everything that creates someone's character. And with Brady I can't wait to hear what he'll say next because it's so different and new. Part of me is sad, more than that even, almost depressed. It's as if I'm leaving Aiden behind with each date I go on, and with each smile or every touch on the arm. It's so unexplainable; it's frustrating.

Aiden comes to visit in 2 or 3 weeks and I'm terrified. It might be scary to mix the past and the present together.

As we drove home tonight he slid his hand in between mine and held it the whole way home. I never wanted the night to end. He walked me up to the door and we talked and then he gave me the longest hug. He dropped one of his hands and held mine as he kissed me lightly on the lips. I disappeared inside and wondered if he was feeling the way I did. I've only known him for a little while, but I can't help the way I feel. More tomorrow.

-Sarah K