I don't exactly know how to explain the way I'm feeling right now. It's actually Friday. I didn't go to bed until 4:30 Wednesday night and I had the most incredible conversation with Aiden. We stood in the hall for almost an hour, talking about everything from Ashton to our first date. It was me who asked him out to Morp. I wanted to cry and tell him I was scared and that after these next few days it wasn't going to be me and him anymore. "It's impossible, Sarah. We can't have a long distance relationship." And as much as I realize that, I wish it didn't have to be like this. He just held me close and I didn't cry.
On Thursday we went to the mall out to dinner with my family and watched two movies.
Ashton and I talked for a long time out by the street lamp. It was so hot outside and it must've made things worse. We both wanted to cry and so we did. I don't think there will be any awkwardness between us anymore. That is one thing I'm glad for.
Amber and Mike wrote me the two most beautiful letters ever. I get letters from people a lot, it makes me feel appreciated you know? And missed.
We didn't really do much today, but it was fine. Aiden was tucking me in my bed and he started kissing me, a lot, and doing things I didn't want him to do. I didn't like it so I stopped him. He kept apologizing and I felt like he'd taken advantage of me and the whole situation. I went to bed questioning a lot of things. I talked to Kelly about it and we decided that guys...they just suck.
I was also thinking that I know exactly what love is, or what it is supposed to be. The problem: I don't think he has a clue. One day he'll figure it all out and realize how foolish he was. But for now, he doesn't even know. He says it with his lips, but sometimes I wonder if his heart is actually believing what he is saying.
-Sarah K.
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